


RC #88224646BA Mission #5: Dundertale

by SkarmorySilver



Series: Protectors of the Plot Continuum: Response Center #88224646BA [4]
Category: Protectors of the Plot Continuum, Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Department of Mary Sues, F/M, Normal-Sized Temmies, Not Suitable/Safe For Work, PPC Mission, Sporking - Freeform, badfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-21 13:41:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17044790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkarmorySilver/pseuds/SkarmorySilver
Summary: “Sounds strange, but before all this, I thought we could be friends. I always thought the anomaly was doing this because they were unhappy, and that when they got what they wanted, they would stop all this. And maybe all they needed was, I don't know. Some good friends, some nice food, some bad laughs. But that's ridiculous, right? Yeah, you're the type of person who won't ever be happy. You'll keep consuming timelines over and over until, well... Hey. Take it from me, kid. Someday you gotta learn when to QUIT. And that day's TODAY.”— Sans,Undertale(2015)In which the agents go underground in more ways than one.





	RC #88224646BA Mission #5: Dundertale

**Author's Note:**

> \- **Copyright Disclaimer:** The PPC and all related property belong to Jay and Acacia. _Xenoblade Chronicles_ , _Pokémon_ , and _Wii Fit_ (the home continua of the agents featured) all belong to Nintendo and any affiliated companies thereof. _Undertale_ belongs to Toby Fox. Agents Whitney and Backslash belong to me.  
> The fic being sporked was deleted by the author shortly after they were notified of the original publication of this mission (they didn't take it well, suffice it to say), but an archived backup is available on request for the bile-interested inquirer. The author was [Jasper's Waifu](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/4060390/Jasper-s-Waifu).
> 
> \- **Betas:** Mattman the Comet and domirossi, with assistance from Huinesoron and Ozzielot.
> 
> \- **Rating:** M/R - Skeletons don't even _have_ unmentionables... Yeeeesh.
> 
> \- **Original Posting Date:** February 22, 2016
> 
> \- **Note #1:** This mission, along with the fanfic sporked therein, contains **MASSIVE SPOILERS** for Undertale. Readers are advised not to read the mission until they have either played or seen playthroughs of the actual game.
> 
> \- **Note #2:** This mission is #5 in publication order, but is #7 in chronological order.
> 
> \- [Original Document](https://docs.google.com/document/d/11u6eQ2Xdm_NqgG8utKlpCrzpgg0ZJ75TTyZ3xH4Sggo/edit)  
> 

Cover Illustration: “[ Undertale Squad meme ](http://kattinx.deviantart.com/art/Undertale-Squad-meme-571574333) ” by [ Kattinx ](http://kattinx.deviantart.com/)

 

 

 

 

> “Sounds strange, but before all this, I thought we could be friends. I always thought the anomaly was doing this because they were unhappy, and that when they got what they wanted, they would stop all this. And maybe all they needed was, I don't know. Some good friends, some nice food, some bad laughs. But that's ridiculous, right? Yeah, you're the type of person who won't ever be happy. You'll keep consuming timelines over and over until, well... Hey. Take it from me, kid. Someday you gotta learn when to QUIT. And that day's TODAY.”
> 
> — Sans, _Undertale_ (2015)

 

**Pre-Mission**

 

“Chilling in front of the console… watching a group of famous YouTubers playing one of the hottest new games of the year… with a fresh cup of tea to my right and a psychotic fitness trainer to my left…” Backslash ignored Whitney’s disapproving glance as he picked up the cup and took a sip. “Ahhh… It fills me with _determination_.”

“How long have you been watching Steam Train, anyway?” asked Whitney, wiping the sweat off her brow with a light green hand-towel. “You know you could lose two years of your lifespan by spending more than three hours a day sitting, do you?”

“No, actually. I don’t. But marathoning their Let’s Play of _Undertale_ has been loads of fun!”

“For _you_ , at least. I was hoping you’d at least spend the day helping me with my usual errands.”

“Like what, running twenty laps around HQ in three minutes?”

She huffed and shook her head. “I’m talking about going out and _meeting_ people, Backslash. Who knows if someone from a different department needs _your_ help?”

“You _know_ what happened the _last_ time I tried that!” Backslash showed her the bite mark on his arm. “Why do you think I can’t go on missions with other teams without your approval?”

She tilted her head. “Since when did you think you needed _my_ approval?”

“You haven’t let me go beyond a fifty-foot radius from the RC without your personal supervision ever since what happened with me and that Lapis girl. _Just saying._ Oooh, they’ve gotten to the part where Mettaton EX shows up! This will be _good!_ ” In the video, the silhouette of the robot’s second form was already appearing behind a cloud of white fog.

“Wait, did you say Mettaton EX?” asked Whitney. “Hey, let me see—”

Her partner rolled his eyes. “I find it ironic that you said that _right after_ you asked me to get off my arse and start wandering around HQ like you do. But as the old saying goes…” He sipped his tea again. “…that’s none of my business.”

“My point still stands, though,” she replied. “And I wasn’t saying that you should step away from the console right _now_. Though come to think of it, I think that would be a good idea.”

He put the teacup aside. “Speak for yourself. Oooh, cue the reveal in three, two, one…”

**[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!]**

“OH, FOR THE LOVE OF THE BIONIS, NOT _NOW!!!_ ” Backslash banged his hands against the table, nearly upsetting his teacup.

Whitney calmly pressed the red button, took one look at the mission report, and then started trembling. “No. _No._ She must die, and she will die _today._ ”

“Wait, who will d—” He looked at the summary, and his mouth fell open.

 

 

> **A normal teen gets sucked into Undertale. She slowly mets the charaters of the game and realizes she does not want to go back to the life that she had. But will thoses memories come back to haunt her? Or will or favorite Comedian Skeleton help her out? Warning sex, misunderstanding, adult language, making someone do something they don't want to, and drinking**

 

“Excuse me for a minute…” Backslash picked up his teacup, took yet a third sip, and promptly sprayed the tea all over the console screen.

“You did that on purpose, didn’t you?” asked Whitney.

“It seemed appropriate. Shall we get ready?”

She thought about it for a moment, and then nodded. “Sure. Disguises?”

“I’ll have to find something that doesn’t have anything pointy. I _really_ don’t want you impaling anybody on this mission.”

She gave him a stern look before using her towel to wipe the screen dry. “Backslash, I’ve been here for over two years, and before you came along, I received missions twice a day. I’ve been through almost every single Nintendo continuum, and many more continua outside of that, and how many times did I lose control? I can handle myself just fine, thank you.”

“But you haven’t been into _Undertale_. And that’s where I come in.”

“That game was released last September. What did you expect?”

“My point exactly! You should be lucky I actually took the time to watch those playthroughs on YouTube, or we’d might as well be up the Makna Forest river with no paddle!”

She sighed and rubbed her forehead. “Let’s just _go_. I don’t have all day, and neither does the badfic. The Sue will be progressing through the game, or at least trying to, so that means we’ll likely have to go through all of the different areas she visits.”

“So, what disguises will we have to use?”

“From what you’ve told me so far, there are plenty of anthropomorphic animals, so I’m thinking of a rabbit monster for myself. I’m not sure about you, though.”

Backslash rubbed his chin, thinking, and then snapped his fingers. “I’ve got it! Can I be a ghost?”

“Huh? I thought there was only—”

“Napstablook isn’t the only ghost in the Underground, suffice it to say. I think I can manage.”

“Fair enough. We’ll have to bring our weaponry, though, in case things—”

“Whitney, _Undertale_ has been touted as the RPG where you don’t have to kill anyone. We could just drop the Sue through a portal into the Hotland lava and be done with it, simple as that!”

“Good point. I’d still bring my Header and your Monado replica along, though, just in case. The Header’s in the closet, by the way, along with the C-CAD.”

Backslash sighed and headed over. “Ugh, fine, I’ll get it. Just set the coordinates for entry and we should be on our waaaAAAAAAGH!”

The moment he’d opened the closet door, a massive pile of items fell on top of him — this time consisting of such odd things as Spider Donuts, Dog Salad, Popato Chisps, and more.

There was a second of awkward silence before his hands poked out of the pile, clutching the bright green soccer ball. A moment later, Whitney opened the portal and turned to help her partner.

“Does this happen all the time?” His voice sounded noticeably muffled.

“Not really,” Whitney replied with a laugh. “I usually get out of the way before it does!”

 

********************

 

**Act One**

  * Soundtrack: _Undertale_ OST — [“Once Upon A Time”](https://youtu.be/s7RRgF5Ve_E) \+ [“Snowdin Town”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6LmMCuGjfA)



 

Once they were ready, the agents stepped through the portal, finding themselves outside a vaguely-defined house. As soon as Whitney shut the portal behind her, they quickly hid behind some random bushes.

The trainer-turned-agent looked almost exactly like she usually was, except for a coat of short white fur and a pair of long pink ears. She turned her head to notice that she also had a cottony tail, which she wiggled experimentally.

“* Alright, since we’re starting out in the supposed real world, we’ll have to remain undercover until we get to the Underground,” she said. “* Which I’m pretty sure will be in a few lines or so.”

Backslash, who looked like a sheet ghost with Shulk’s hairstyle and white eyes with black scleras, looked at Whitney in surprise. “* Your speech! It’s — it’s—”

“* Huh?” Whitney’s ears pricked up. “* Oh yeah, you’re right! Backslash, is there any specific reason for the asterisk in behind the starting word whenever we say anything?”

“* I think it’s because of how the dialogue in _Undertale_ is formatted. All of the characters, save for Papyrus, have an asterisk denoting the beginning of every line of dialogue. Even the NPCs!”

Whitney chuckled. “* This is going to be quite the experience,” she said. “* Now shhh, we’re starting in three… two…”

 

 

 

> **Carol just got home from school her boyfriend of seven years dumped her for her now ex friend. She thought she done something wrong but no he was cheating on her. She went straight to her room didn't tell her drunk of a mother hello.**
> 
> **She grabbed her computer and played her favorite song Hope Of Morning. She played it while she loaded her game of Undertale and she clicked the continue button. Her game glitched she hit her computer and then there was a blindlng light.**
> 
> **She woke up in a bed of flowers she looked around and as Flowey she froze this guy really crepped her out.**

 

The agents, caught in the middle of the scene shift, ended up tumbling into the cave after the Sue, a bunch of stray periods close behind. Whitney landed on her feet, while Backslash, floating down after her, stifled a retching noise. “* My eyes!… _So_ much beige…!”

“* And _that_ , Backslash, is how a video-game Sue is born,” said Whitney, her eyes narrowing. “* No birds, no bees. Just a sad little girl with her panties in a bunch and a portal to the game world on her computer screen.”

“* Harsh, but true,” he replied. “* Also, did the Sue just turn into Flowey?! What?!”

“* No, it looks more like a copy. Flowey’s over there, see?”

Indeed, the little smiling flower, presumably Flowey, said **" Howdy."** , which caused a stray asterisk to float by. The Sue, turning back in her normal nondescript form, began walking away, and then started running until she ran into a large white goat, who suddenly stood up on two legs and donned a long blue robe.

“* …Aaand she’s left Flowey behind,” said Backslash. “* Who’s willing to bet he’s never mentioned again?”

“* That goat-monster must be Toriel,” said Whitney, pulling out the C-CAD. “* She’s the caretaker of the Ruins, am I correct?”

“* Yes, as well as the character who first tries to take care of the Fallen Child,” replied Backslash.

Whitney pointed the device at Toriel, and checked the reading — an OOC Level of only 3.4%, albeit gradually rising.

“* Hmm, Toriel actually seems quite fine for the most part,” said Whitney. “* If what you’ve told me is true, it would be completely plausible for her to take in _any_ human she encountered near the cave entrance, like she did with the player.”

Backslash nodded before adding, “* Only in this case, _that’s not the player._ ”

Toriel didn’t seem to know the difference, however. She took the Sue through the Ruins in the same path as she did to Frisk in the game, except for one thing. Time seemed to speed up around the agents, the scene describing very little of the Sue’s progress as opposed to actual gameplay of the first area. Whitney had to brace herself against the brevity of the narration, but Backslash, silently thanking his incorporeal form and its immunity to transition sickness, simply followed the Sue and Toriel with his gaze, his expression clearly exasperated as he watched the canon give the Sue a phone with her number.

“* Wha— how— She’s not supposed to breeze through this area so quickly!” he moaned. “* Even if Toriel were leading the way like in canon, she wouldn’t go as fast as this!”

Whitney pulled out her notepad and pencil. “* That’s at least three charges already in just the first half of the _first chapter_. And regarding the time compression, I guess the Sue wanted to skip the first area to meet up with her Twu Wuv.”

“* Or, as Mettaton once put it, ‘MY ONE TRUE LOVE!’” replied Backslash. Both agents almost immediately dissolved into helpless laughter — no doubt because they were now imagining the rectangular robot, clad in a light blue Cinderella-style gown, descending a staircase to meet the Fallen Child with all the sophisticated elegance of a vacuum cleaner.

The hilarity abated almost immediately, however, when the Sue asked Toriel if she could leave the Ruins to **make friends** , and Toriel promptly agreed. The agents heard a loud [BEEP!] from Whitney’s bag at that moment; after putting the notepad and pencil under her arm, she dug into the bag, pulled out the C-CAD, and switched the scanner off before the noise gave them away. Then, gritting her teeth, she shoved the device back into her bag with more force than normal.

“* Yeah, scanning everybody probably wouldn’t be a good idea by now,” said Backslash.

“* And so the Suefluencing begins,” she snarled, punching her palm. “* I almost wish we could break her neck _right now._ Carol’s, that is.”

The ghostly agent glowered at nothing in particular. “* As much as I’d want to try and stop you, I’m afraid I’m with you on this one. Toriel did everything in her power to try to _stop_ Frisk from leaving the Ruins and her home, because she wanted to take care of them after years of grieving over her and Asgore’s dead children — not to mention that literally _every other human_ who left the Ruins fucking _died!_ No _way_ would she just _let her kid leave!_ ”

The Sue left anyway, and soon ran into Sans, who promptly (and predictably) took a liking to her.

“* And there goes Sans,” said Backslash. “* You’d think that, given how protective of the Underground he is in canon… well… she’d be dead where she stood, suffice it to say.”

“* We’d best be at Snowdin post-haste,” said Whitney. “Sans is _definitely_ going to take the Sue there.”

“* Oh, so you’re implying that there’s a chance he may drag her somewhere else?” asked Backslash, looking skeptical. “* Whitney, Snowdin is the second area of the game, and the first stop on the only pathway out of the Ruins. You have to pass through that town on your way to Asgore, and you don’t get any forks in the road in fact until past Alphys’ Lab!”

“* Exactly. Let’s just get to the next chapter and try and ambush h—”

“* _Not_ part of the plan, psycho. We need more charges for that!”

“* Okay, okay, slip of the tongue, but you get the point. Right?”

Backslash rolled his eyes. He said nothing, however, as he watched his partner open the portal into the second chapter, landing just outside a familiar bar. Whitney, having thought ahead, pulled out some winter clothes and put them on in the brief window of time they had before the Sue and Sans arrived.

 

> **Carol walked with Sans she looked around seeing the sights she had seen on the game. They stopped at Grillby's and Carol looked confused she thought he was taking her to met Papyrus.**
> 
> **" Sans?" Carol questioned as he grabbed her wrist and they walked in**
> 
> **" I want you to met my friend's first." Sans said smiling and she smiled back**
> 
> **They sat down in chairs Grillby was cleaning a cup when he saw her. He froze at the sight of a human in his place.**
> 
> **" Grillby this is my new friend Carol." Sans said smiling and Carol waved at him**

 

Whitney’s expression turned a little too tranquil, and Backslash would swear he saw her eyelid twitching. While **Sans ordered two hamburgers and fries** , she wrote “MAKES EVERYONE WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH HER” in her notebook with more force than normal. Sans drank his ketchup while Carol ate her burger, and then the Sue began thinking about her twin who had recently passed away.

Whitney added “ _TRAJECK PAST USED FOR WANGSTING FOR NO FUCKING REASON_ ”, pressing her pen into the notebook so hard that she nearly tore through several sheets of paper.

“* If it weren’t for my being a ghost, I’d gladly eat that burger,” said Backslash. “* Look, Sans isn’t even touching—”

“* This Sue is subjugating the entire Underground and _that’s_ what you’re upset about?!” Whitney snapped at him suddenly.

“* Don’t look at me! I’m just your average pointy dead Homs who’s _purposely_ ignoring the Telethia in the room for the sake of comedy. That, and I’m hungry, too, so…”

Whitney facepalmed. “* When we get to Waterfall, _if_ we get to Waterfall, I’m buying you a Ghost Sandwich. Or a Ghost Fruit. Assuming they’re purchasable.”

“* The ghost sandwich, in lowercase, is not an item and is only mentioned if you visit Napstablook in his house,” Backslash explained. “* And the Ghost Fruit was cut from the final game. So that means I’ll have to slog through this whole cack-sack on an empty… well, whatever ghosts have instead of a stomach.”

Whitney snapped the notebook shut. “* _Fan_ tastic.”

“* Anyway, where to next? The sooner we kill this thing, the sooner I can get lunch.”

Whitney checked the Words, her eyes narrowing. “* The Sue meets Papyrus and then goes to his and Sans’ house. And then…”

“* They kiss, right? Right?”

“* Not quite, but Sans does start developing feelings for her. Of course. We can skip that part safely, as aside from the obvious, there are no major charges.”

“* Can we at least grab the leftover burger and fries before we go? We can’t afford to waste them!”

Whitney gave him a skeptical look, but finally relented. “* Fair enough. As soon as we’re done, go ahead and eat it. Unlike you, I already had my meal ahead of time. And Grillby will be showing up later, so don’t bother neuralyzing him until we kill the badfic.”

After grabbing the food (though not without making sure Grillby’s back was turned before doing so), the agents portaled to the start of the third chapter and just outside the skeletons’ house, whereupon some text saying **## thoughts** whizzed by. Specifically, it passed through Backslash, who yelped in alarm.

“* That’s it?! No Author’s Notes, no disclaimers, no _nothing?!_ ”

“* Unfortunately, yes. That was how it was for the last two chapters, too.”

Backslash was about to respond when some more text, **(Dreams)** , whizzed past him, and the chapter started. This was followed by a rain of punctuation as Sans went downstairs to see the Sue sleeping on the couch in the living room. Papyrus, who had apparently been sleeping next to her, soon found himself caught in what could only be a sleep-hug.

And then, thanks to the Words describing the Sue’s **grib** , her ribs emerged from her chest and grabbed the taller skeleton like the limbs of a ghastly spider.

Backslash let out a small scream, tears beginning to leak from his round black eyes, and Whitney retched, pulling at her bunny ears without even caring about the pain.

“* _This_ , Backslash, is why spellcheck is critical,” she growled.

“* I should be so lucky! And I’m honestly surprised the skeletons didn’t even notice what just happened…”

“* They’re _skeletons_ , Backslash. They’re—”

“* But this Sue is a _human_. How would you react if it was _the person next to you_ whose ribs suddenly burst out of their chest?!”

“* …Oh.”

The Sue, meanwhile, had just woken up, and after a brief conversation, Papyrus left to train with Undyne. Then Sans asked the Sue if she wanted to stay a little longer, upon which she said she needed the bathroom. A few moments later, to the agents’ horror, Sans **then grabbed her shirt she wore when they first met. He smelled it and he sighed** , before freezing and realizing what he was doing.

The scene shifted around the agents, and they ended up in front of Grillby’s again. This time, only Sans was entering, though he could’ve sworn he’d noticed a rabbit monster with a dark ponytail dashing around the nearest corner before going in.

Backslash rematerialized next to Whitney as soon as she’d taken cover. “* Well, it’s just him now,” he said.

“* I guess the two of us can take a breather until he goes back to fetch the Sue, right?” said Whitney. “* We need to regroup, anyway. Sans becoming attached to Carol could make things a lot more difficult.”

“* You tell me! I haven’t seen any No Mercy runs yet, but I’ve heard that Sans’s boss fight is one of if not _the_ hardest in the entire game! We’ll need both your sense of reason and my canon knowledge if we’re to beat this Sue.”

“* I wouldn’t consider myself reasonable right now, but other than that, I agree. We need to be prepared, and I’m not sure if we’ve got enough equipment to keep Sans busy.”

“* Why not get some more?” asked Backslash. “* It’s not like anybody’s gonna notice us while we’re—”

“* HoI!”

Backslash screamed again and instantly turned invisible. Whitney aimed a glare in his general direction, which was thankfully enough to shut him up.

“* Sorry! I got s-startled, that’s all!” Backslash whispered before sitting up.

“* That’s not an excuse to make such a racket,” Whitney replied. “Do you want me to duct-tape your mouth shut?”

“* How would you smooch me, then?” he replied, winking. Then he looked around and added, “* What _was_ that, anyway?”

His question was answered a moment later. There, sitting in front of him, was a white cat, with shoulder-length black hair, two pairs of ears (one pointy cat-like pair and one floppy dog-like pair) and a blue striped shirt. It had appeared without him even noticing.

“* hOI!!!!!!” it said. “* i'm a tEMMIE!!”

Whitney would’ve raised an eyebrow if she could. “* A what now?”

“* A Temmie,” said Backslash. “* They’re normally found in the Waterfall region, and one of them’s a shopkeeper there. They’re also all named Temmie, except for the one named Bob.” He turned to the Temmie. “* Are you named Temmie as well?”

“* cuTIE~ (pets u)” said the Temmie, before pawing at the ghost. “* names Not tEMMIE! its **Grillbys**!!!!”

The agents stared at each other.

“* Wait, did I hear that correctly?” asked Whitney. “* Did you just say that you’re a _mini?_ ”

“* yES!!!!!” The mini rushed over to pet her as well. “* U Look funy! whats with ur ears????”

Backslash gulped. “* W-what do we call it? It looks exactly the same as a normal Temmie, except a bit smaller; canon!Temmie is as big as a human child if the overworld sprites are any indication. I dunno, character size isn’t that consistent in this game. Anyway, we don’t wanna get it confused with the rest of ‘em if we end up in Waterfall!”

“* Hm. Even given the tradition of punny monster names, I’m not sure if I can think of one for this mini. Just blow it up to twice as big and it’d just be a normal-sized Temmie.”

“* nORMAL sIzd tEMMIe is finE!!!!!” The mini curled up in Whitney’s lap, purring.

“* Normal-Sized Temmie it is, then,” Backslash said, deciding not to argue with Temmie logic, before checking the Words. “* We should get to the next chapter pretty quick. There’s a brief scene with Carol and Papyrus, but nothing serious. Unless you want to see her sniffing _Sans’_ jacket.”

“* _No thank you,_ ” said Whitney, taking out the RA. “* Fourth chapter it is.”

“* Grillbys want temMIE FlAKEs!!1!” the mini cried.

“* We’ll get them to you, don’t worry,” said Backslash. “* And enough gold to get you a degree as well. But first… how opposed would you be to helping us kill a skeleton’s girlfriend?”

“* YAY!!!” The mini began vibrating with excitement as the portal opened up. “* Colleg, her I comE!!!!1!”

 

********************

 

**Act Two**

  * Soundtrack: _Undertale_ OST — [ “Snowy” ](https://youtu.be/8BIeGdBjJiU) \+ [ “Premonition”](https://youtu.be/sQDiDDb1_9k)



 

Upon closing the portal behind them, the Normal-Sized Temmie now tucked into Whitney’s bag for safe keeping, the agents looked up to see that they were still next to Grillby’s, but this time, Sans, at the presumed advice of the bartender, was taking the Sue there to see him again.

“* Well, if it isn’t our lovely couple,” said Backslash. “* And it only took one visit for Grillby to warm up to her as well!”

“* Warm up… I see what you did there,” said Whitney, chuckling. “* But yes, from what you’ve told me, monsters and humans generally did not get along _at all_ until Frisk came along.”

“* Why, was it because of what happened with Chara?”

Whitney looked at him in surprise. “* Do I want to know who Chara is yet?”

Backslash cringed. “* D’oh! I totally forgot that you haven't been as far as I have into this continuum! Look, I’ll get you up to speed as soon as we get back. There’s a lot of crazy stuff that happens near the end of the Neutral and _especially_ the Pacifist runs!”

“* If I wasn't so concerned about your attitude, I’d be more than happy to join you in the Undertale experience. Unfortunately, that’s a _very_ big if.”

“* Sure, I — _Hey!_ ”

She tried to ruffle his hair, but her hand passed through his ghostly body. “* I’m just joking, Backslash. Seriously, though, if anything, you need to talk to people _more_ often rather than _less_. I never said you were never allowed to leave our RC — just not without my guidance until you know how to deal with others.”

“* It’s because of what happened with Lapis, isn’t it?”

“* You could’ve waited for me to come back first. I’m pretty sure things wouldn’t have gotten so out of hand had I been there, especially because you’d be keeping your mouth shut the entire time.”

Backslash pouted, unable to argue with that logic. “* Hindsight one, Visions zero.”

Whitney laughed softly and then resumed noting charges. Unfortunately, she returned her attention to the fic just as Sans and the Sue suddenly had their arms turning into string as she **intwines his right with her left.**

Backslash wisely edged away as Whitney started furiously writing in her notebook again. But before he could say anything, Grillby turned on a radio and…

 

 

 

> **Tale as old as time**
> 
> **True as it can be**
> 
> **Barely even friends**
> 
> **Then somebody bends**

 

Whitney accidentally snapped her pencil in half, a maniacal grin now plastered upon her face.

“* GYAAAAH!” It was all Backslash could do to avoid wailing like a banshee, with no success whatsoever, and his scream was still loud enough to make the Sue turn her head towards the nearest window for a second. “*  OH DEAR BIONIS, MAKE IT _STAAAAHP!_ ”

“* Shhh, we’re literally outside the bar!” Whitney hissed, though she was slightly thankful for the distraction while she slipped the notebook back in her bag a moment later.

“* But… _but_ …”

“* I _know_ , Backslash. Charge for making Grillby aware of Disney songs when alternate-universe media e.g. _Mew Mew Kissy Cutie_ is known from this continuum. And another charge for turning her and Sans’ arms into string! That shit’s practically emergency-room-tier mutilation!”

“* At least Lapis didn't lose her arm because the Words said so,” said Backslash, blinking back more tears. “* What do we do now? The Sue is falling for Sans so quickly that I won't be able to keep up with her even by Back Slashing into a bottomless pit!”

The song ended, and the Sue promptly kissed Sans, upon which Papyrus appeared, followed by Undyne, Alphys, Mettaton, and even Asgore, all of whom had apparently been involved in the plan to get the Sue and Sans together.

Whitney flashed another creepy smirk. “* We find an opening, and then we strike. Don't give Sans the chance to defend her.”

“* Do we have enough charges, though? That’s the biggest question…”

“* Maybe, but I guess it can't hurt to see if the remaining chapters have—” She checked the Words, and suffice it to say that if her skin hadn’t been the color of chalk already, it would've been in that instant.

“* Oh, no. Oh dear _God_ , no.”

“* What’s the problem?” Backslash looked apprehensive. “* She’s not _really_ going to bone him, isn’t… she…”

Unexpectedly, Whitney began chuckling in a menacing tone. This did not comfort her partner at all.

“* You know what, why not go all the way and see just how much she messes up _that_ part too?!” she laughed.

Backslash began to panic. “* Whitney, _don’t_ —”

But too late. The trainer had already slipped through the portal into the next chapter, leaving Backslash with no choice but to float after her.

The agents took cover near Sans’ house just as the words **Author Note: Warning Sex scene coming!** flew over their heads, and peeked through the window into the house.

 

 

 

> **Carol woke up in Sans's room he was clutching to her chest like a pillow. She remembered what happened yesterday and blushed as she sighed. Sans blinked and looked up to see Carol. He looked straight his eyes widen when he was face to face in her boobs.**
> 
> **" Sans?" Carol questioned as he lifted his hand and gripped her boob**

 

There was a muffled BANG from Whitney’s bag, and smoke began wafting up from it. She reached into it, and after a moment's rummaging, she fished out the still-smoking remains of the C-CAD. Her heart sank.

“* Didn’t we turn that thing’s scanner off already?!” Backslash cried, looking understandably horrified.

“* Sans. Has been. _Replaced,_ ” Whitney snarled, shaking so violently that her partner thought she’d actually lose her balance. “* If this Sue isn’t dead to me before, she is now. Scratch that, she _will_ be. For _real_.”

The fic continued describing the Sue and Sans interacting in an increasingly raunchy manner, with Sans discovering the Sue’s bra, followed by licking her breast, and then throwing off his clothes to reveal…

“* Oh dear Bionis, _don’t look!_ ” Backslash cried, flying in front of his partner’s face and sparing her the indignity of laying eyes on Not!Sans’ genitalia.

The poor former Wii Fit Trainer pulled herself away from the window and curled up into a ball, shuddering. “* Sexualizing characters like Palutena or my canon counterpart is something I can understand, but _Sans?_ People actually want to make love to a lazy pun-spewing _skeleton?!_ ”

“* Hey, UnderNet, qa- _uizzz_ question!” Backslash said in a singsong voice. “* Would _you_ fuck a skeleton? A) Heck No, B) Heck No, C) Heck No, or D) _FUUUUCK NOOOOO!!!_ Sheesh, at least Toriel and Mettaton EX look the part, but _Sans,_ of all people _…_ ”

“* …Skeletons don't even _have_ penises…” Whitney whimpered, following up with a noise that sounded almost like a sob.

The scene continued in this way for a long while, the agents watching the Words in horror and silently thanking their lucky stars that they weren’t witnessing the action directly.

Eventually, the Sue and Not!Sans came simultaneously. The noise was enough to make the Normal-Sized Temmie stick it's head out of Whitney’s bag.

“* Wats goin On??? Grillbys herd screEMing…”

“* You do _not_ want to know,” said Backslash. Noticing the tinge of green on the mini’s face, he asked, “* You okay?”

“* Grillbys HURTIE,” the mini replied, slipping out of the bag and flopping onto the ground. “* ate to maNY tem-flakES!!1!”

Whitney became aware at that moment that they hadn't bought any Tem-Flakes with them, so she reached into the Bag and pulled out her notebook, opening it to see that some of the pages had been torn out and/or chewed upon. Apparently, if there wasn't any construction paper handy, notebook sheets would have to do.

“* Welp, there goes our charge list,” said Backslash, blinking back a few tears of laughter. “* Surely, it must’ve been far too long if eating it gave the mini a… _Temmie_ -ache!”

The mini gave him a very Not Amused look and hissed, “* Shut. The fuck. Up.”

“* I have the majority of the SPaG charges memorized clear as day,” said Whitney, scratching behind Grillbys’ ear. “* I'll leave the canon-related ones in your hands, though, or the equivalent thereof.”

“* We’d better collect more in the next few chapters, then. And next time we run into a sex scene, we should probably excuse ourselves completely!”

“* Reading that part of the fic was indeed bad enough without directly _watching_ it,” Whitney growled, picking up the mini and putting both it and the notebook back in her bag.

“* So, next chapter it is, then?” asked Backslash.

Whitney nodded and took out the RA. “* Probably. Though maybe we should spend most of it grabbing some equipment, just in case.” She stopped dead. “* …Dammit. I forgot we don’t _have_ any money to spend. Where are we going to get any?”

Backslash thought about it for a moment and then grinned, crying himself a candle over his head. “* Can we stop by Waterfall for a minute? I’ve got an idea.”

 

********************

 

**Act Three**

  * Soundtrack: _Undertale_ OST — [“The Choice”](https://youtu.be/C4Wv5M9JPao) \+ [“Megalovania”](https://youtu.be/c5daGZ96QGU)



 

_An hour and some very shortchanged Temmies later…_

 

“* Hello, traveler,” said the Snowdin shopkeeper. “* How can I help you?”

The rabbit-eared woman and the ghost with the JRPG protagonist hairdo who had just entered her store exchanged uncertain looks. Then the woman turned and spoke to the canon rabbit monster.

“* We’re here to prepare for an outing with some ‘friends’ of ours. We need everything.”

“* Wait, what?”

“* _Everything._ ”

Backslash side-eyed Whitney with a less than happy expression. “* Look, I can understand your concern, but isn’t leaving nothing for anybody else to buy just a _tad_ over the line? What if someone needs another Tough Glove, or another Manly Bandanna?”

“* Okay, okay. I stand corrected there. Still, we _do_ need all the equipment we can get.”

“* But surely you wouldn’t take just _one_ Tough Glove?” added the shopkeeper. “* I hear that gloves usually come in pairs…”

“* Yes, maybe two would be fine,” said Whitney. “* But we need a _lot_ of Bisicles and Cinnamon Bunnies. We’ve got guests over and we can’t just let them leave without refreshments.”

_Though I never said the refreshments were for_ them _,_ Whitney added in her head.

“* So, one of each for the Tough Glove and Manly Bandanna, and as much as our inventories can hold for the rest,” said Backslash. “* Well, _hers_ , anyway — we all know I can’t hold anything that isn’t incorporeal.”

The shopkeeper nodded, handing them the items they needed. “* You do understand, however, that my Cinnamon Bunnies don’t come for fr—”

Whitney plunked a large sack in front of her, her expression eerily calm. “* We’re well aware of that, thank you. And we kindly suggest that you treat your family to a day out today with the surplus payment, because if this doesn’t go as we plan, you and Snowdin won’t be around for very long.”

The shopkeeper blinked in surprise, and Whitney instantly covered her mouth with a horrified expression.

“* Um, why?” asked the shopkeeper.

“* You _don’t_ want to know,” said Backslash. “* Thank you for your time. But before we leave, please look right this way…”

After neuralyzing the shopkeeper, the agents rushed out of the store, leaving her to say “* Thank you for your purchase” in their wake.

As soon as they rounded a corner and hid from the view of the characters in general, Whitney, now armed with a Tough Glove, pressed her other hand to her forehead. “* _Why_ did I say that? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been so open about—”

“* It’s okay, Whitney,” said Backslash, wishing he could pat her shoulder. “* I have my irrational moments too… just more often than you do.”

“* But is _nobody_ aware that this Sue is making a mess of things?!” Whitney stamped her foot. “* She’s having her way with Sans, she has Toriel _and_ Grillby wrapped around her finger, and nobody’s complaining about her actions at all!”

“* Look, I’m no less happy with this than you are, but we have to really _think_ about this. Sans has been replaced too, in case you didn’t remember, and I’ve seen enough gameplay footage to know that trying to kill him is nothing short of suicidal!”

“* Which was exactly why I needed all the food, the stat buffing items, and whatever else is needed for a boss fight,” added Whitney. “* We need to be prepared in case the execution attempt turns into one.”

“* Why not just drop the Sue into the Hotland lava? Problem solved!”

“* Not!Sans will kill us. We have to take both of them out at once or I doubt we’ll survive.”

“* But if Not!Sans is so obsessed with her, then—”

“* _Like I said,_ Not!Sans will take Carol’s death _very badly._ Which is why we need to treat this like we’re taking _him_ on, and not _her_!”

“* I thought you wanted to kill her!”

“* Do you think I don’t?! Of _course_ I do! But surely you haven’t given thought to the prospect that Not!Sans won’t take that lying down, haven’t you?!”

Backslash turned away with a cry of frustration. “* You’re unbelievable, you are! Why must you assume that you’re the one handling everything?”

“* Because I’ve done it before, and I’m sure I can do it again.”

“* You barely even _know_ this continuum aside from what I already told you! And anyway, given Sans’ level of power, I doubt you’d be able to take him _and_ Carol on by yourself!”

His eyes had all but become twin Makna Falls of ghost tears by this point, but when he turned back to her, his look was one of steely conviction. “* Which is why Not!Sans should be left to _me._ ”

Whitney gaped at him. “* But Backslash, you—”

“* I know, Whitney, I know. I’m rude, inexperienced, stubborn, and reckless. I cross more lines trying to deal with people than you would walking over a street crossing.”

“* Didn’t you say that was just the _one_ time?” asked Whitney, giving him a stern look.

“* Whatever. The point is, even if I’ve got too many problems for you to ignore, I _can_ change the future. I _can_ help you put an end to this fucked-up load of bollocks that Carol and Not!Sans are producing. Unlike you, I’ve _seen_ how to deal with Sans in the No Mercy Route, so why should this be any different? And for what it’s worth, I’m not going to let you suffer the indignity of imagining a skeleton penis ever again.”

Whitney recoiled, and not just because of the explicit imagery. She’d heard of agents trying to fight Suvians without knowing what they were capable of, and almost all of them ended up worse for wear. The tone in Backslash’s voice indicated that he was dead serious on preventing her from meeting the same fate, and she couldn’t argue with that.

Instead, she sighed and bowed her head. “* Fair enough. Better you than me, anyway, what with your being incorporeal and able to take whatever Sans is capable of. But be aware that if you mess this up, the Sunflower will have _both_ of our heads.”

Backslash huffed. “* I’ll take him over godawful skeleton sex any day. What chapter are we in, anyway?”

Whitney checked the Words and then gasped. She promptly opened a portal and made to shove Backslash through, but her hand phased through his body.

“* Huh? What?”

“* Wait for me in Chapter Seven. I’ve got an errand to run.”

“* Oh.”

Backslash floated through the portal, which closed behind him. Looking up at the Words, he noticed that he was back at his hiding spot near Sans’ house, and while Sans wasn’t there, the rest of the main characters _sans_ (1) Frisk and Toriel were inside.

A second Normal-Sized Temmie, **Booky** , walked up to him and said, “* hOI!”

“* Hey little guy!” Backslash smiled down at the mini. “* You must be derived from Napstablook’s nickname, Blooky. You feelin’ lost, little buddy?”

The mini vibrated with glee. “* i’M FELIN LOST! YaY I”M REALLY FELLIN LOST!!1!”

Backslash scowled, but then laughed a little in spite of himself. At least the mini provided a pleasant distraction.

Unfortunately, Mettaton, who was on TV at the moment as he often was, chose that moment to present a very special singer for the audience. To the horror of both the agent and the mini, the Sue, clad in **a black dress** , appeared on the TV screen, and began singing.

 

 

 

> **" Itsy bitsy spider, waiting on the wall**
> 
> **You better watch out or she will have you caught**
> 
> **( Carol spun and she looked away)**
> 
> **It is a constant strain, constant pain watching you deny**
> 
> **That her plans to catch you, starts when you tell lies**
> 
> **No matter how obvious you seem like you're blind**
> 
> **Can't you feel problems that creep up from behind**

 

Backslash was grateful that he couldn’t throw up, but the mini was clawing at her own ears and trying to cover up all four at once to block out the noise. He wondered how Mettaton could allow such a terrible singer to show up on the stage, but then he remembered that the robot’s filmography included a few full-length movies showing nothing but his “sexy rectangle” form being showered with flower petals.

And then he went back to being angry when he realized that Mettaton had given the spotlight to the Sue _on his own show._ Which, of course, he wouldn’t do in canon.

Even more unfortunately, a very ash-faced Whitney joined Backslash halfway through the song, just in time to hear just how grating the Sue’s singing voice was.

“* Where were you?” asked Backslash, ignoring her trying to pull her long pink ears over her face.

“* There was another human at Grillby’s place,” she growled. “* I’m guessing there was an entire fic devoted to how she got there, but that doesn’t change the fact that she was having her way with him as well. I charged her, don’t worry — and when I pointed out that she was basically fucking a guy made of _fire_ , she screamed and burst into flames. It… wasn’t pretty.”

“* Well, that must’ve been quite a mouthful(2).”

Whitney glared at him. “* Please stop. I already have enough bullshit to deal with as it is.”

“* It’s only going to continue if we don’t get this settled with! We have to wait until the Sue and Not!Sans get together in a place _away_ from the others.”

“* Right. Do you know where our breakpoint is?”

“* Uh… No?”

Whitney gave him an exasperated look, and then checked the Words. “* Next chapter. They have an argument. We can strike while they’re distracted, but we’ll have to get them to an isolated place before the other canons notice.”

Backslash nodded. “* Quick portal?”

“* Portal sounds fine. Let’s do it!”

The agents portaled to the next chapter, watching the Sue and Sans sleeping backstage. Whitney silently motioned for Backslash to get into position, and the two of them prepared to spring, the two minis clumsily imitating them.

 

 

 

> **Carol woke up she twisted her back to make it pop and Sans woke up right then. He turned around and then he looked around.**
> 
> **" What was that?" Sans questioned as she smiled and giggled**
> 
> **" I popped my back." Carol smiled as he looked at her and then he put his hand on her back**
> 
> **" Don't do that." Sans said as he looked away and she looked at him**
> 
> **" Why not I do it all the time." Carol said as he got up and he glared at her**
> 
> **" I just don't like it." Sans said angry and Carol stood up**
> 
> **" Fine." Carol said walking out the room and she sat on the couch**

 

Unfortunately, she was interrupted a moment later by a soccer ball colliding with her head. Before she could react, Whitney had emerged into the open, wearing her pre-murder grin from before.

“* Carol,” the trainer snarled, “* by order of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, you are hereby convicted of being a Mary Sue on account of the following charges: Transitioning from wherever you live into the world of _Undertale_ through a goddamn _computer screen_ ; having a terribly defined appearance; having a trajeck backstory that’s brought up only a few times to make people love you; making _everyone_ admire you on sight, for that matter; _stealing_ songs from existing continua for no good reason; making half the _Undertale_ cast completely OOC; replacing Sans and then fucking him for your own selfish fantasies; _mutilating yourself_ thanks to several typos; creating two Normal-Sized Temmies, namely Grillbys and Booky; exhibiting terrible SPaG and beige prose; taking over the entire story for your own selfish gain; being a terrible singer; traumatizing us with mental pictures of skeleton dicks; and most importantly, _fucking a lazy skeleton who’d have happily killed you if he hadn’t promised to Toriel he wouldn’t!_ ”

“ SANS PLEASE HELP!” Carol shrieked as Whitney advanced on her, sharp gray eyes gleaming with murderous intent. But too late — she’d already opened up a portal and pushed her through. The Sue screamed in terror as she fell through and plummeted into the Hotland lava below.

Not!Sans burst into the scene, his expression horrified. Before Whitney realized what was happening, she was flying across the room, and then she slammed into a wall and slid down.

“* what did you do to her?!” Not!Sans now had one black eye socket and a fierce glowing eye in the other that alternated between blue and yellow.

Whitney coughed, spluttered, and stood up shakily. “* I killed her, you little shit. I hope you’re proud of yourself.”

“* you… you killed…” Not!Sans stared at her, horrified, and then his expression turned into a mask of fury. “* in that case, i have a question for you.” He waved his hand, causing a massive draconic skull to materialize around her. With a noise like cracking stone, a fence of bones burst up from the floor, hemming her in. “* do you wanna have a bad time?”

The blaster skull opened its jaws, a bright white light glowing within its maw. Whitney realized that there was nowhere to turn; Not!Sans was indeed every bit as lethal as Backslash had said earlier. All she could do was close her eyes and hope her plan would work quickly enough.

There was a blinding flash and the sound of her partner straining against something very powerful. Whitney’s eyes opened, and then blinked before nearly bulging out of their sockets. Backslash had swooped in front of her and taken the shot for her, but that wasn’t the most remarkable thing. He was holding his Monado replica, and not with actual hands of any sort; rather, a pair of watery arms had extended from the corners of his eyes, bearing the weapon in a sturdy, two-handed grip.

If she had been able to view Backslash from the front like Not!Sans was doing, she’d have noticed that a new symbol, yellow in color, had appeared on his weapon: 盾

“* I… I think I’ve just learned a new move!” he cried.

Not!Sans’ glowing eye widened. “* but… how?” he asked.

“* The symbol… I think it’s the Shield Art!” Backslash said in an awed voice. “* It reduces damage taken as well as knockback, and the closest equivalent Pokémon move I can think of is… _Iron Defense!_ ”

Not!Sans blinked, preparing another round of blaster fire. “* no, how are your tears holding that strange weapon? i don’t recall ghosts being the… handy type.”

“* Napstablook can cry himself a hat, can’t he?” Backslash replied with a chuckle, a familiar catchy rhythm beginning to play in the background. “* And for the record, _this_ has got your name on it!” He brandished his weapon before continuing. “* Minis, stall for me! I have a chargelist to take care of!”

“* AY AYE CAPTIN! WEEEEEEEE!1!!!!” The minis rushed at Not!Sans, who tried to knock them aside, but they were too quick. They leaped onto his chest and face, clawing at him while he tried to beat them off.

Backslash raised his Monado replica. “* Not!Sans, by order of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, you are hereby convicted of being a character replacement on account of the following charges: Replacing the canonical character of Sans the skeleton; falling in love with a Mary Sue on sight, something which the canon Sans would never consider doing; acting completely bloody OOC compared to the canon Sans; acting like a total creep, namely _smelling the Sue’s discarded clothing_ ; participating in badly written sex with the Mary Sue you were courting; engaging in disgusting, disturbing, and very reckless sexual behavior, also against the characterization of the canon Sans; having a _fucking penis_ against all biology and common sense; also engaging in beige prose and terrible SPaG; and generally making us wish Chara actually got rid of you.”

He switched out Iron Defense for Autotomize, knowing that one hit was all he needed. “* And in all honesty, I’m going to spare them the trouble. As my canon counterpart once put it: _This is the Monado’s power!_ ”

Not!Sans threw off the minis and glared at him, before summoning two more blasters and preparing to fire — and then someone behind him twisted his head clean off its shoulders.

Whitney smashed the replacement’s skull into the ground, shattering it into fragments, and the rest of the replacement dissolved into glittery wilver powder.

Backslash stared at her, dumbfounded, and then shrugged. “* …Or, well, that works, too. So… Shall we neuralyze the canons now? And maybe grab some ghost Bleeprin while we’re at it?”

The trainer shuddered, and then nodded. “* Y-yeah, sure.”

 

********************

 

**Post-Mission**

 

It took twenty minutes for the agents to finish cleaning up after the Sue and the replacement, including fishing the canon Sans and Frisk from two different plot holes. Nonetheless, after the horrifying experience they had gone through earlier, it was relatively easy for them to get everything back in order.

When all that was said and done, the agents and the minis headed back to their RC. As soon as Backslash floated through the portal, he remained in mid-air like in a cartoon, momentarily forgetting that he was now in his Homs form. That was until he fell face-first to the floor.

“Ow… Maybe next time we go into _Undertale,_ I should pick something that provides a less drastic transition than a ghost…”

His stomach growled, as if to confirm this. A now normal-eared Whitney chuckled at this, before sending Booky through a portal to the Mini Adoption Center.

“Honestly, maybe we should take a break from _Undertale_ for a little while. I’d rather not have another round of skeleton genitalia.” She pulled out her towel and rubbed her forehead. “Whew, that was tough!”

“I’ll say! At least nobody except the Sues died. That’s what’s most important, right?”

“Indeed so. But honestly, if what you’re saying is true, _Undertale_ sounds like a fascinating game in its own right, badfic aside. Maybe I could check it out myself now.”

“What, and hog the computer? I was just about to get to the good stuff!”

Whitney patted his head. “I’m sure I’ll catch up pretty quickly. And honestly, I think it would be a good idea for you to step outside for once. Maybe you could have lunch at Rudi’s? Make a new friend, perhaps?”

“Huh? But I thought you said I shouldn’t—”

“I know what I said earlier. You have problems, and _lots_ of them. But that doesn’t mean you should feel obligated not to solve anything.”

“Hey, _you_ were the one who wouldn’t let me out of the RC!”

“Oh, did I? Sorry! I genuinely thought you were hopeless after—”

“Can we not talk about how I got bitten ever again? And seriously, what you just said was _way_ over the line. As were all those times when you said that before.” He pouted, rubbing the bite mark on his arm.

“Okay, okay. Sorry for that, too. Anyway, if you think my express permission to go to Rudi’s is required, then I hope you’ll be happy to hear that I’m giving it to you right now. And honestly, you _need_ to make friends around here. I’m sure you’ll need them sooner or later!”

Backslash smiled. “Thanks, Whitney. Y’know what, maybe I’ll take Grillbys with me and see if she can help me pick up a few chat buddies!” His stomach growled, and then he blushed a little. “…and I should probably eat something, while I’m at it. Can I have those burgers now?”

She pulled what looked like a sacked lunch out of her bag and passed it to him. “As long as you exercise regularly and don’t touch the Cafeteria food, go ahead!”

“Will do. Thanks! C’mon, Grillbys, it’s clubbing time!”

“YaY!!! Grillbys gon to coleg!!1!”

As soon as Backslash and his new Normal-Sized Temmie left the RC, Whitney took another Cinnamon Bunny from her bag. “I thought he’d _never_ leave,” she chuckled.

Pausing only to take a bite out of her pastry, the trainer sat down in front of the console, did a quick search on YouTube for the playlist of Steam Train’s _Undertale_ playthrough, and clicked on the first video.

_“He bought too many games! Now we gotta play them all… So all aboard the STEAM TRAIN! Choo, choo!”_

 

#  **[END]**

 

**Author's Note:**

> 1) The author makes no apologies for that choice of words.  
> 2) Or that one, either.
> 
> Rule Number One of writing human Undertale OCs: Do NOT fuck the lazy skeleton. Rule Number Two of writing human Undertale OCs: _DO. NOT. FUCK. THE. LAZY. SKELETON._ ISTFG HE WOULD'VE KILLED THE PLAYER HAD HE NOT PROMISED TO TORIEL TO PROTECT THEM FFS. Ahem. With the obvious now addressed, one disadvantage of sporking fics as dumb as this is that aside from what my agents have said already, I don't have much else to say about it. 
> 
> As per tradition, the fic itself is linked in the cover page, but I wouldn't recommend checking it out if you dislike faux-edgy prose with horrible SPaG (as well as the obvious, of course). Seriously, I was laughing my ass off the entire time, but I'd rather spare my agents the pleasure of doing another fic like this. For now, anyway. Unfortunately, there was another fanfic published by the same author exploring a little more of that Grillby-eating Sue whom Whitney disposed of, but I decided to have it killed offscreen to save time and because most of her crimes were the same as poor Carol.
> 
> The original ending for this mission involved the agents taking on the Sue and Not!Sans in a head-on battle, followed by Flowey intervening and revealing his knowledge of the PPC. Unfortunately, as some of my readers pointed out, this was not a good idea in the slightest, so I had to redo it completely. For one thing, a head-on battle against a Suvian is an absolute no-no and I’ve actually had instances in some of my previous missions demonstrating that fact. The redone ending has Backslash merely distracting the replacement so Whitney can pull off a sneak-attack, thereby eliminating the need for a serious struggle; the learning Iron Defense remains, but I also changed it so instead of a full battle it’s caused by the replacement surprise-attacking Whitney and Backslash defending her. I also got rid of any mention of Flowey at all, because while that was slightly less of a problem, Flowey’s appearance in the original ending hinged entirely on the agents, well, having a bad time. I also based his awareness of the PPC on the notion that his messing around with your save file made him omnipotent, but the logic behind this was grievously flawed, and Flowey is as much a canon as everyone else. In hindsight, I suppose that’s a good thing. I’d hate to imagine what would happen if Flowey really _did_ know about the PPC… *shudders*
> 
> Special thanks to Mattman the Comet and domirossi for beta-reading this mission, and also to Huinesoron and Ozzielot for motivating me to fix the ending! Lesson learned.
> 
> — SkarmorySilver
> 
> Rescued minis:
> 
>   * _Undertale_ (Normal-Sized Temmies): 
>     * Grillbys (adopted by SkarmorySilver)
>     * Booky
> 



End file.
